Love and Dating in the Tinder Era

I caught up with a previous guy I dated before. Amazingly, this guy still chose to be friends with me– I’m not friends with majority of my exes.

I met this guy in Paris, and dated briefly until I realize that you’re different when you’re on holiday and when you’re home; and that means you would not date some people otherwise if you were on real-life mode. A few months later and 10,000km apart, I’m now giving this guy dating and relationship advice.

Sure, he would still give his usual spiel that I should come and live in Paris instead (he has 200 different ways and reasons, none of which were thoroughly convincing), and then he would confide how it’s difficult to find a real relationship nowadays–despite his numerous matches and options at hand nowadays. This is coming from someone who’s a 6 ft tall doctor with washboard abs and a jawline that can cut things. and French.

But after coming from two half-decade relationships with no breathing time in between, and then being suddenly single; I don’t know how to navigate the ‘modern dating scene’ anymore (hence, I’m really not the best person to ask for love and relationship advice).

It seems that love in the modern era is trickier, muddier. Online dating has made the dating game a numbers game. Tinder is supposed to make things easier, but harder at the same time. Everyone’s suddenly commitment-phobic, hooking up is normal, and everything is all about instant gratification. There are now several relationship statuses created by millennial dating; a spectrum of greys that were once just black-and-white: Casual dating, ‘just hanging out’, laissez-faire, FWBs, Cuddle Buddies, Hotline Blings, one-sided relationships, on-again, off-again couples… a lot of these definitely didn’t exist the last time I was last single.

And yet, people still yearn for that real connection. You can tell by the hugot lines shared on your news feed and the number of ThoughtCatalog articles complaining about the same thing. We all want the same, real thing. Everyone just pretends to not give a damn.

Modern dating is just like Game of Thrones. There’s just too many characters to keep track of, and you seriously can’t get attached to any of them, because you know nothing so good would last too long. Love in the time of tinder is a lot like love in the time of cholera.

I’m not saying finding love on Tinder or online dating websites is not possible. Some people swear by it. It was an easy choice to disconnect for me. I needed that spur-of-the-moment, unpremeditated element. That real and rare connection. I need to see the madness in your eyes. I just need to know if we’re the same brand of crazy.